Just Another Drama Queen

take a bow

2011-10-21T20:40:00.000-04:00

I'm afraid I will be left behind. The progressives will scoot past me veering toward roads not taken, as I sit comfortably nestled in my partner's arms zoning out to the X factor. Meanwhile, that other queer black artist dude is sucking at the teet of Rose-Lee Warhol Jones. And then, I'll turn around, my hair grey and my child marching off to college. I'll hold my partner a little closer - acknowledging my most meaningful performance: "the shoulder you leaned on."

Liminal: Canada 2011

2011-08-14T15:53:00.000-04:00

One-Hour iPhone Walk: Plymouth, UK (Again)

2011-05-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

You Make It, I Take It

2011-05-28T18:10:00.000-04:00

"The striking thing about all consumer products — and none more so than electronic devices and applications — is that they’re designed to be immensely likable. This is, in fact, the definition of a consumer product, in contrast to the product that is simply itself and whose makers aren’t fixated on your liking it. (I’m thinking here of jet engines, laboratory equipment, serious art and literature.)"

Liking Is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts.
By Jonathan Franzen, NY Times 28 Sat 2011

Professional Touchstones

2011-05-27T17:41:00.000-04:00

The Wooster Group, Robert Lapage, Augusto Boal, Suzan-Lori Parks

One-Hour iPhone Walk: Plymouth, UK

2011-05-16T17:59:00.000-04:00

PLYMOUTH, UK

TOTAL DETROIT

2011-05-13T16:48:00.002-04:00

Total Detroit: MONUMENTAL: "Bodies & Sculpture & Detroit"

Sketches: Digital Black Face

2011-04-30T18:01:00.000-04:00

COMPOSITION

SELF PORTRAITURE

Titled Self Portrait III

2011-04-21T05:20:00.000-04:00

runnin' away,
runnin' away
home

Titled Self Portrait II

2011-04-19T06:17:00.000-04:00

Lagos IV

2011-04-19T06:15:00.000-04:00

Lagos III

2011-04-15T19:35:00.000-04:00

FELA! Homecoming @
The New Africa Shrine

Titled Self Portrait

2011-04-11T20:28:00.000-04:00

Lagos II

2011-04-11T20:12:00.000-04:00

Lagos I

2011-04-09T17:17:00.000-04:00

HOW TO STEAL LIKE AN ARTIST (AND 9 OTHER THINGS NOBODY TOLD ME)

2011-04-09T16:59:00.001-04:00

steal this

Association

2011-04-06T00:14:00.000-04:00

A desert house - to the west: the horizon

to the east: the mountains

and I am dancing in the desert

and I am nude

and I make figures in the sand w/ my feet

as I dance.

I am photographed.

photographed.

I am held on the patio, by Robert.

I am nude.

I am holding our baby son, I am being held.

Our son is leaving for college.

He is assured and we are all already missing.

He drives, we wave.

I read, Robert plays the video game.

Robert & I dance in our living room.

We are visible through our glass walls.

A caravan of cop cars surround the house

and the cops draw their guns

and the captain draws his bullhorn:

“The two men dancing must stop their dancing!”

We dance

They shoot

We dance

Their bullets fly and their bullets turn to flowers

And the flowers fall at our feet.

We dance

My spirit flies, it flies out and it watches.

Our son returns & Robert collapses into his arms

Our son returns & holds Robert

& comforts Robert

& my spirit watches.

SO FRESH & SO CLEAN CLEAN

2011-03-30T11:11:00.001-04:00

WALK DETROIT!

2011-03-09T20:22:00.000-05:00

BuildingsofDetroit.com is a two-person effort by historians, author Dan Austin and photographer Sean Doerr to spread awareness of Detroit's architectural history.

The Blind

2011-03-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

The Blind
2002
Photocopies and Tape

Snow Day

2011-01-27T01:07:00.000-05:00

IOWA

2011-01-15T22:40:00.001-05:00

a few reflections

on to the breach

2011-01-09T22:19:00.000-05:00

Dream Five

2011-01-02T11:03:00.001-05:00

At the beginning I was experiencing the dream from the perspective of a 22 year old Caucasian woman. With me was her 6 year old sister. By the end of the dream I was there as well as the 22 y/o, the 6 y/o, and we had been joined by a 20 something Caucasian man who had come to hurt us or steal belongings left behind. He was now helping us to survive.
We were in a very large Victorian house in an abandoned neighborhood (was it a Detroit neighborhood?). The neighborhood had been purged of its inhabitants.
The youngest liked to play games, and I was constantly having to get her to quiet down - to understand the severity of the situation.
We never thought about food or water. We were always thinking about games and dancing and sometimes even watching TV. But we had to make sure no one knew we were there. So there was a constant attempt to cover the windows with sheets or slats or whatever we could find.
At one point a bus filled with prisoners was let loose in the neighborhood. It was terrifying, but I knew that we could persevere.

IT

2010-08-02T23:53:00.000-04:00

OUT OF CONTEXT- this quote provides a very exciting point of entry for contemporary performance, literary and visual art:

"To understand what it has to offer, one must learn how to read it. [It] is not a textbook, but is like an ocean with waves and currents and eddies and whirlpools and quiet caves. It calls for suspending one's normal mode of conceptual progress until one has discovered where the tides and techniques of this new medium will carry him. Water is, to man, a distorting element, and probably whatever he sees in it will not be seen as it really is. The ecstatic surges in his body as he rides the swells will not be forgotten after he has found his feet once again on the sand. Like riding the waves, or listening to great music, this [it] wafts one to where he can perceive reality in new configurations that unite the subjective and the objective. It does not so much convey specific fact as arrange science, myth, philosophy and poetic narrative in peculiar combinations which can generate remarkable experiences..."

-Robert S. Ellwood

F.T.L.

2010-05-05T18:15:00.002-04:00

Don't worry. Hold my hand, and we'll get in.

F.T.L.

2010-05-03T07:53:00.007-04:00

Is your leader, leading you where you want to be heading?

-Dadra+

F.T.L.

2010-04-25T17:33:00.004-04:00

F.T.L. Abbreviation of: Follow The Leader

Function: blog posts pertaining to my upcoming conceptual walk for Elastic City

Etymology: Middle English folwen [the] Old English lǣdan

"The fortified aspect of the place is emblematic, its high civic ideals lost in the menacing character of high fences, metal detectors and concrete bollards."

-Streetscapes| The United Nations

425D's First Short Film

2010-04-23T17:32:00.002-04:00

Help! Watch 425D's short film and win us Free Space!
Simply click here, watch our submission to the end and you bring us one step closer to winning free rehearsal space at Space on White. Be entertained and inspired, all for a good cause.

What is 425D? Watch our film to find out!

425D: Space on White
a commission by Jordan Seavey
directed by Stephen Brackett, Lauren Keating, Niegel Smith and Awoye Timpo
featuring: Jocelyn Bio as Niegel, Stephanie Dimaggio as Lauren, Lucas Kavner as Stephen and Bonna Tek & Margo Hammond as Awoye

Poetry is for Muses

2010-03-15T14:21:00.003-04:00

walking around town taking photos or sitting
by the lake freeballing doing nothing maybe grunting
an expletive or two
when the spirit moves us...
I love you dude - I fucking love you

Remembrances of Things Past

2010-01-18T23:11:00.008-05:00

Very excited about heading into rehearsals tomorrow morning for NEIGHBORS - a brilliant new play by Branden Jacobs-Jenkins. But before I do, I'm going to take small pause for reflection and remembering...

Hanging With My Sweet Niece

Tasty Holiday Cookies

Bundled Up in the Subway
and Meeting New Folks.

QUOTEd

2010-01-15T10:56:00.003-05:00

NY TIMES Opinionator Blog: Into the Closet

"Like it or not we will be well into the 22nd century before lesbian and gay Americans finally have their equal rights unless they get busy burning cities this century. That is what I'm afraid it will finally take. Ask a Black friend or relative about it."

Wyman Elrod
Dallas Texas, January 15, 2010

Paris Fin!

2010-01-04T19:25:00.009-05:00

fin fin fin fin fin fin
fin fin fin fin fin
fin fin fin fin
fin fin fin
fin fin
fin

Paris: Bonne Anne´e!

2010-01-03T21:25:00.008-05:00

Paris Cinq

2010-01-01T12:48:00.008-05:00

Paris Quatre

2009-12-27T19:31:00.018-05:00

	Yee-haw! The wall, the wall is the action. Remembrances of Jared Ray.
	Structuralism. Cooly illuminated 80's style contempo-art.
	Warm bath of light. Moving from the right, to the left?
	Tattoo worthy.
	Single source. What's lurking in the shadow?
	Fair and Balanced.
	Obviously a dwelling, but there's something unnatural in the color. Not quite radioactive, though unfamiliar and repulsive.
	Test test test test test. Test test test test test. Test test test test test.
	There are no lengths she won't go, no boundaries left unpenetrated.

Paris Trois

2009-12-26T15:15:00.007-05:00

Paris Paris Paris!

DIRTY WORD: SUCCESS

2009-12-25T21:42:00.006-05:00

One reason for this time away is to reflect on and demystify my personal definition of success. Somehow, my understanding of success has been overburdened by certain personal, familial and social expectations: to be at the forefront of my field, to earn "lots" of money, to take care of my family, to give back to the community, to be an engaged, informed citizen, to be selfless and self actualizing, to blaze a path for all my communities, to be "happy," to inspire.

I hope that this process allows me to distill these expectations and to better articulate a personally fulfilling and sustainable vision of success. I start with this litany.

Artistic Integrity

-Unity, Balance, Contrast, Proportion, Variety, Rhythm

-Holding myself to a RIGOROUS AESTHETIC process that centers on an intellectual and emotional consideration of COMPOSITION (line, form, depth, color and text), HISTORY (a focused research of past and present objects, soundscapes, gestures, rituals, histories, laws, etc.), and SPACE (a unique environment where the compositions and histories intermingle across time and media)

-Asking CRITICAL QUESTIONS of myself, collaborators and audiences about state, culture or identity

-Inspiring DIALOGUE by acknowledging and implicating the audience

-Imparting SKILLS and ACTION by offering the audience space to create or respond

Financial Stability

-Pursuing and choosing projects that provide the FINANCIAL FREEDOM to pay my bills, afford rest/rejuvination, invest in relationships and accrue emergency savings of at least 10 percent of my income, annually

-Contributing an additional 10 percent of my income to a LOW-RISK RETIREMENT SAVINGS, annually

Disciplined Rest, Rejuvenation and Reflection

-Scheduling, planning and saving for substantial BREAKS BETWEEN PROJECTS

-Going on at least two NON-WORK TRIPS every year

-Committing to weekly time for WRITING, SILENCE, SOLITUDE, and THERAPY

Enduring, Intimate Relationships

-Preparing and sharing MEALS

-Being FORTHCOMING with my fears, anticipations and reflections

-Planning and following through with INDIVIDUAL dates with friends and family. These dates should not be for work related events - but should occur in spaces or involve activities that inspire us to be fearless, trustworthy and supportive of one another

Paris Deux

2009-12-25T14:53:00.009-05:00

A BIT MORE PARIS

Paris Un

2009-12-24T16:35:00.011-05:00

A BIT OF PARIS

He's Baaaaack

2009-11-24T11:03:00.004-05:00

Yo yo yo - so, the last several months have been challenging and exciting and empowering. Bill T. Jones has been pushing me and the company of FELA! to make the best possible work we could ever achieve. He's phenomenal and has lead us toward great art making. I'm sincerely thankful. And I hope many folks get to see FELA! on broadway.

10 weeks of rehearsals (5 of which coincided with previews - rehearsals during the day, shows at night) have left me with such intimate relationships with the entire company and with Fela's world and music. The room of artists that Bill and our producer Steve brought together was in constant creative motion - making and remaking and cutting and adding and pushing and sharing and thinking and throwing down. Whew - if every process could be this wrought with commitment, I'd never hunger.

Anywho - a post a little less diary like and a little less gushy to come - but needed to get this one out.

Love and selah!
Niegel

i made a happy birthday greeting

2009-09-05T11:55:00.001-04:00

mac and cheese blossom

2009-06-12T20:02:00.002-04:00

PILFERed

2009-04-18T09:59:00.002-04:00

From the now defunct SPY MAGAZINE.

Commentator

2009-04-17T13:56:00.002-04:00

A response to: Dude, You’ve Got Problems

“ I went to a conference on bisexuality about 15 years ago. A woman there said to me, "I wish you gay men would stop putting your energy into fighting homophobia and instead put your energy into eradicating misogyny. Because the problem society has with gay men isn't that they're with other men - it's that they're men who are "acting like women." If it were ok to be a woman in this culture, homophobia would just disappear." I think she's right.”

— Jess Thompson-Adams
Dude, You've Got Problems

Hmmm.... her argument isn't very prismatic "fighting misogyny in stead of homophobia" and her conclusion is a bit simplistic "homophobia would disappear." But I do think that there is a very insightful observation in this quote. When we step outside of prescribed gender roles it disrupts the dominant culture. I welcome the challenge to shift. I'd argue that by emulating, celebrating and nurturing complex gender expression we will "fight" both misogyny and homophobia.

Commentator

2009-04-13T07:31:00.003-04:00

I think the sagging pants style is remarkable and may be unprecedented in the history of fashion because it combines not just a static piece of clothing, the pants, but also the drama that goes along with the possibility of the pants falling. And then there's the concomitant activity of hitching and slipping and hitching and slipping. For those of us who find young men sexy the style is compelling. It seems like a lot of work to wear your pants this way but for the viewer it is dynamic, entertaining and just really fun. Name me another clothing style that involves so much theater.

— Robin White, Oakland, CA

All Over My Face

2009-03-22T10:32:00.005-04:00

hot gay artist sings about a hot gay lifestyle with inclusive gay groupies all over gay new york
hot & gay
yeah
hot gay yeah yeah yeah

Upcoming from Permiso

2009-03-08T23:04:00.002-04:00

Dear Friends,

Todd Shalom & Niegel Smith (Permiso)

invite you to join us

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

and Wednesday, March 18, 2009

at The Public Theater

425 Lafayette St., New York, NY

Performances will begin at:

7:30pm, 8:00pm, 8:30pm & 9:00pm

RESERVATIONS REQUIRED.

To make a reservation, please visit:

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/58612

Love,

Niegel & Todd

Notes

2009-02-15T18:10:00.008-05:00

Rest in peace Andrew Wyeth.

2009-01-16T14:07:00.005-05:00

The artist who created one of the most stunning American paintings has moved on, passed on, let loose, newly breathed, withered, exasperated, floated away into ... what? I don't know.

It is strange.

He painted a world that was not mine - not my experience, not my private history nor the history of my forefathers, but uniquely bound up in my sense of self - my nation identity. In his detail and specificity he reminded me of the individual stories within a distinct culture which contribute to the richness/tapestry/multiplicity/layering/cocooning/budding/germinating/honeycombing/mounding/melting pot/box of chocolates/hope chests/collection plate that is our America.

Glimpsing into the struggles - the wood framed homes, obviously built by hand, the pastures plowed so knowingly/expertly, the simple coverings masquerading as clothing - offers an insight into a hearty American work ethic that I like to acknowledge as something I know intimately- though distinctly different than anyone in his paintings.

In his worlds, he revealed something common and something admirable in the human spirit.

Thankfully for us, he felt compelled to record those revelations in paintings. Paintings which will continue to inspire us - to force us to reconsider our connection to the land and our potential as reflecting beings.

A print of his painting: Christina's World (one of my most favored possessions and a gift from my friend Akin) hangs in my room. It is a reminder, a recording, a document, a gift, a loan, a testament, a poem, a lullaby, a treasure, a friend, a contradiction, a.

His New York Times Obituary is here.

Nappy New Year

2009-01-02T15:10:00.003-05:00

Jenn and I, 01/01/09

QUOTEd

2008-12-30T22:01:00.003-05:00

NY TIMES LETTERS: Does the E-Book Have a Promising Future

"...still, I myself take pleasure in stroking the page of a book ..."

Sam Goodyear
Oneonta, N.Y., Dec. 24, 2008

Dreaming

2008-12-23T10:56:00.004-05:00

In this post, instead of my usual "dream five" - i attempt to transcribe the total experience of my dream last night. Please comment: is it clear? is it too confusing in the unabridged version? I never know what the right balance is for a blog post. I also have chosen not to change anyone's name. It's a dream - so everyone is innocent.

CHOOSING EDUCATION, CHOOSING COMMUNITY
a dream transcription

Inside a subway train?

Mandy, an Associate Artistic Director: You don't want to make plays with undergrads. It was great, but they aren't professionals. You want to achieve so much more.

I need to get out of the subway train. I need to run from underground. I need to emerge into the light and the fresh air.

***location shift***

A meeting: Bill T. Jones, Jim Lewis, some Producers/Donors, AJ, is this for FELA or a new project? I'm feeling stifled. I feel like crying. I need to work in education. I run outside.

Cast member: (with glee) Tears!

I know they (some cast members) are talking about me. I run around the corner and finish crying. When I'm done, I go back to the meeting which is in an underground restaurant - at a round table covered with a very fine white cotton tablecloth.

Bill: (implying I'm late) Nice of you to join us.

Me: I was stuffy and needed to blow my nose. (why couldn't I have asked someone here for a napkin)

Jim: (Hands me a bowl of soup.)

***location shift***

Super Mario Galaxy: I open a "new world," but in order to play it I have to loose all 22 lives I already have. I decide to go into a "previous world," but I'm ceaselessly chased in that "previous world." The characters chase me into the real world. Why didn't I decide to just open the "new world?" The "new world" was vivid yellows and purples and greens and reds - very very vivid - why didn't I choose it instead?). Who cares if I would have lost all my lives except for one, I wouldn't have been pursued by the characters in the world I decided to open up.

***location shift***

A sculpture/dance hall: presenting work.

***location shift***

A stage: in an auditorium. The auditorium was in a building, on a small lane (like European towns) cobblestone, skinny buildings crammed together. But I knew it to be Greenpoint, the neighborhood I live in - in real life. I was directing a community production of a play (Streetcar Named Desire? No, a new play much like it). It starred people from my community - people I knew really well, people I wanted to succeed. But one of the actors was out (sick?), and I had to play her roll. My scene partner missed his cue, but Hilton Als - who had become a fan of the show - was in the audience and yelled out his cue. It changed the whole feeling of the last part of the show. I was struggling to read my lines, which I couldn't see and were hidden from audience view. I fell to the ground but kept it in character. I played the rest of the scene in partial view of the audience. It was terrifying.

***location shift***

After the end of the show I went next door to a new restaurant. It was opened by Liza (who just permanently closed Queen's Hideaway in Greenpoint). At the her new restaurant, they were serving hot mexican soups. The chef (a very old mexican man who knew english better than I did) and the waiter (a very young mexican immigrant) nurtured me and spoke to me and told me about their sister restaurant next door (which Liza also owned) that served only hot soups! After finishing my soup I decided to go next door.

***location shift***

The cold soup restaurant: was below ground. They had dug out a little patio - making an open air, basement level piazza, complete with a large fountain in front of the main door. Behind the main door was a little foyer with yet another door that dazzled with white and silver etching and framing. I went inside and the staff was still preparing. They were going to open the cold soup restaurant the next day - because cold soup (I surmised) took longer to marinate thank hot soup. Liza was nowhere to be found, but I walked in the kitchen anyway. I saw the beautiful radishes, partially grated for their zest, lemons grated for zest, someone chopping bunches of long stemmed onions. Brilliant colors: purple, yellow, greens, whites. It was almost as though my eyes could take close up shots of all the foods.

Niegel: (to myself) they must all be organic

Sous Chef 1: What are you doing here?

Niegel: I'm a friend of Liza's.

Sous Chef 2 (a black lady with a tattoo (of a star?) on her right cheek): You're not supposed to be here yet. We open tomorrow.

Niegel: I know, but I wanted to see what you were up to. Did you work at Liza's old restaurant?

Sous Chef 2: I don't remember. I may have. I don't remember.

Sous Chef 1: You should really leave now.

As I leave, I can sense that the head chef can see me as I'm leaving. He checks to make sure I don't steal the keys from the door.

***location shift***

Back at the theater: My scene partner from earlier is checking on the giant muffins. We are in the cafe of the theater - where they serve giant muffins. I attempt to apologize for my performance (wow it's hard being an actor). He seems to hear me but doesn't acknowledge my apology. He is proud to have just gotten to work with me. His friends have gotten him a gift. It is a peach pie - brilliant brown - and they are pouring a fresh orange juice around the outside of the pie. (they've prepared a moat of sorts between the center of the pie and the crust.) He is loved. I hug him. He thanks me.

Niegel: I hope I get to work with you again. I never even imagined that you were an actor.

Friend: I did it once in high school. Thank you for this opportunity. It was wonderful. Please think of me next time you direct a community play.

Niegel: (truly moved - almost to tears)

Niegel: (to myself) Will I think of him? Will I direct another community play?

Still at the theater: Because I acted in the show, I'm now on the email list for the actors. I don't just get new emails though: my iphone downloads all the previous emails too and in them I see my friend's questions about the show, about the profession and his praise for my leadership. After reading three messages, I notice that he is a bit embarrassed. So I promise not to read anymore. I feel a stronger connection to him than I've felt to anyone in a long time. We hug again.

I remember that I need to wake up and try to look past the edges of the dream.

I wake up.

advisory

2008-11-14T00:13:00.004-05:00

COULDN'T SAY IT BETTER...

2008-11-02T00:34:00.003-04:00

...a new addition to my blog.

"[the] target audience is the 10 percent of voters who told this week’s New York Times/CBS News poll that they did not feel as if they had received enough information to make an informed decision on the presidential race. I believe we have met them before. They are the men and women who get up at a town hall meeting after the candidate had just made a 20-minute opening speech about his/her plans for health care reform, and say: “What I want to know is, what are you going to do about medical costs?” My theory is that whenever they hear someone start to discuss the issues, they cover their ears and make humming noises, the way my husband does when I say it is time to take a look at our 401(k)s."

Gail Collins, The NY Times

Full article here.

On Poesy

2008-10-21T09:28:00.007-04:00

this is
the thing
about things

DREAM five

2008-10-14T08:56:00.005-04:00

Pronunciation: \drēm\ \fīv\
Function: noun
Usage: often attributive

1: an exercise I use to recall and record the five most memorable sensations from my night's dream -- compare rem sleep

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. There was a beautiful young man with dark hair who spoke French. We sat on a Terraced lawn overlooking the main avenue and the coast. I asked him what would be an appropriate gift for my hosts; he offered me several of the finest teas.

2. I did not recall the name of Todd's friend who lives with Danya. This seemed to upset her somewhat. It upset me most.

3. Two families with young children arrived at the house. They were just stopping by to take showers. This made me feel uncomfortable and cramped.

4. Something about a church and an election.

5. I was accused of leaking potentially destructive evidence about Barack Obama's character to The Economist.

PROSAIC

2008-10-07T12:51:00.012-04:00

THERE IS NO THERE, THERE.
-Gertrude Stein, Everybody’s Autobiography

By describing the failed attempt to locate her childhood home in Oakland California, Gertrude Stein asks us to reconsider the intangible visions we often hold onto with fervor.

The obliqueness of the grammar allows 'THERE', the vision, to be something real or imagined in the past, present or future - removing its temporal qualities or the specificity of her search and forcing a more universal and inclusive reading.

In four words - she illuminates the space, distance, between the perceived and the hoped for and forces the question, "if THERE does not exist in its envisioned form, does it substantially frame our experience of HERE, and when we go in search of the THERE, are we denying the possibilities of HERE?"

Words to knit by.

WE LOVE
TO HATE
THE CURSE
OF LOVE
-Graffiti Artist, East Village NYC

Friendship is Blendship

2008-10-04T00:05:00.005-04:00

Obvious Photoshop Posting for the Fall

Culture and Clarity

2008-09-28T18:34:00.010-04:00

I don't know the history of newspapers printing non-prose articles, in any section other than the "Arts" section, but I was extremely thrilled to see a pictorial article by one of my favorite artists in the Opinions section of the New York Times today.

Kara Walker,

a visual artist working in silhouette forms using paper, transparencies, light, and film (to name a few of her mediums) has manipulated reconstruction iconography to question the ways we view race and class in America.

And, in this thrilling article AUTUMN she again surprises me and forces me to make new insights - linking the circular experience of time (through the seasons) to give insight into the repetitive gestures of language and figures and colors that we often use to manipulate the opportunities and self-image of "conquered folks."

Lately, I've had to confront my own assumptions about race. I grew up in Norwood, a small North Carolina town, where my culture (ultimately wrapped up in my race) was often mocked by white class mates. I remember in fourth grade we were studying North Carolina history and watching documentaries about our state. When we watched a video about religious practices, several white students decided that the cadence of black preachers and call & response of black parishioners was laughable. I had to endure weeks of heckling and indecent mimicry.

Having had to grow up in such an environment, I don't usually anticipate non-blacks to embrace black culture - in fact for much of my late teens and early twenties I tried to deny black culture. So, when I see non-blacks wearing Obama paraphernalia and displaying signs, I greet it with an unhealthy amount of skepticism and unease. "Are you really supporting a 'black' man - or is this some part of your personal performance of liberalism?"

For me: there is more maturing to happen, more healing to happen. I look forward to having accumulated enough positive interactions and reflections to overcome the biases of my youth.

Language Responsibly

2008-09-26T16:56:00.007-04:00

I have been terrified lately. The thought of being vulnerable – of sharing in a public space, like this blog, has made me second guess my work. I'm excited to be venturing back into this medium.

I was reading this afternoon about fear and darkness. Why is it that when in a space where our eyes have not quite adjusted, we start to use our other senses: smelling, touch, hearing to create (fill in the blanks) of the world around us. Why is it usually that, that world around us is populated with potential pitfalls? Why not potential opportunities?

I suppose as a great poet once reminded us:

We die.
That may be
the meaning of life.

yet she goes on, in the same poem, to remind us how we shape our existence:

But we do language.
That may be
the measure of our lives.

Tonight is the first of our US presidential debates. Let's hope that both of the candidates chose their words well: words that will lead to actions which reflect the American people, words that will celebrate our civic responsibilities and words that will provide for our general welfare.

BREVITY

2008-07-28T22:48:00.011-04:00

THE FURIES (featuring Barbara Stanwyck)

As you sow, so shall you reap. The families of America's turn-of-the-century west struggle to define their identity through their connection to the land. Wealth and community mimic feudal world views, and the most obvious adversary is best equipped to end your means. An exceptionally convincing, aware and captivating portrayal of western womanhood.

MARGOT AT THE WEDDING

The absurdity of life is that we even attempt to overcome the limits of our experience and weaknesses. Yet, it is through our desire to overcome the sum of our parts and through our commitment to love and fidelity that we celebrate the potential of the human spirit.

PAUL MCCARTHY: Central Symmetrical Rotation Movement Three Installations, Two Films

The span of time, when refracted, reveals a series of compelling "moment images." The differences between those "moment images," in time, distance and sound, can be mined for the surprising theatricality inherent in our attempt to move from point a to point c.

For Cory: Our Song

2008-07-22T09:09:00.004-04:00

Latest edition to my blog-- shout outs to my boo, man, boyfriend, main squeeze, Cory Hloska. Thanks for quenching my sweet tooth baby.

CANDYMAN - The Mary Jane Girls

If you see Cory and I walking down the street, feel free to yell out the chorus to this song. We'll gladly join you in the refrain.

Pilfered Content

2008-07-20T09:36:00.006-04:00

Today is my day off from rehearsal. I'm associate directing the new musical FELA!, which is co-conceived, co-written, directed and choreographed by the imitable Bill T. Jones - a hero of mine, but I'll write more on that another day.

So, I'm going to take this day off and leave you with an interview of Bill by the Wall Street Journal.

An African Giant's Last Dance
By CAROL HYMOWITZ
July 18, 2008; Page W7C

Fela Anikulapo Kuti, the Nigerian Afro-beat musician and political activist who died of AIDS-related illnesses in 1997, was hugely popular throughout Africa in his lifetime and still has a devoted following today. In the U.S., however, he isn't as well known as Bob Marley and other black global musicians. Choreographer Bill T. Jones, who runs his own modern-dance troupe and won a Tony last year for his choreography of the Broadway hit "Spring Awakening," aims to change that. He's directing -- for the first time -- and choreographing "Fela!," a musical that will include live performances of Fela's music, a fusion of jazz, funk and traditional African styles. Off-Broadway preview performances start on July 29. We talked with Mr. Jones recently about pidgin English, African dictatorships and directing.

WSJ: What do you want people who aren't familiar with Fela to experience at the show?

Bill T. Jones: First, it should be an evening of good theater. Even though he was so concerned with issues of oppression and empowerment, Fela's music on the surface is very entertaining. It's "let's get down and dance" music. When I listen to Fela, my hips begin moving; my body hears the music first.

Jump to the full interview.

Concrete Womb

2008-07-17T09:50:00.006-04:00

Came across a Brooke Hodge's blog post about the John Lautner exhibit at LA's Hammer Museum, and it almost made me float out of my chair.

I'm always engaged by Modern architectural design that also envelops humanism. There's something beautifully serene and inspiring about clean lines, uniformity and post-war building materials used to make spaces that reflect our communal experience and possible world views.

I know, I know - a bit of an academic rant, but it comforts me. I hope you find some comfort in it as well.

Subject: Punished for being HIV-Positive?

2008-07-16T09:53:00.001-04:00

Dear Friend,

Can you imagine not being allowed to travel to another country or apply to become a legal resident because of a medical condition?

Under current U.S. law, our government is telling countless individuals living with HIV that they are banned from the United States. The discriminatory HIV Travel Ban prevents HIV positive individuals from entering the country or obtaining legal U.S. citizenship.

Right now a repeal to the ban is in the President's Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief (PEPFAR) legislation - which, if passed, would abolish the ban and finally put an end to this unjust policy. But just as Congress is preparing to vote on PEPFAR legislation, anti-gay members of Congress are pushing to remove this critical provision so that the inhumane HIV Travel Ban remains a U.S. law.

Congress has a chance this year to finally abolish the travel ban and end this discriminatory policy! Please join me in asking them to stand up to anti-gay Senators who are trying to keep this unjust U.S. policy on the books. Just click below - it only takes a minute.

http://www.hrcactioncenter.org/campaign/hivtravelban?rk=VpdiYRYqOJjOW

ZOOM ZOOMS

2008-07-15T08:19:00.022-04:00

...or THE SECRET LIFE OF TUK TUKS

I just can't get enough of these single occupancy buggies.

It started with a chance spotting while waiting at the Austin airport, and now I have to take a photo every time I see them.

There's just something about the scale of mobility and the implied reference: one motor vehicle to one person.

Engaging and disturbing.

QUOTEd BREVITY

2008-07-14T10:11:00.006-04:00

"brevity" and "quoted" all in the same post? Hopefully my blog won't implode.

My one sentence response to...

Wall-E

If you over-consume food, you'll be overweight, but if you over-consume Disney musicals, you'll fall in love.

and

RollsRoyceRevenge commenting on Gawker's Wall-E article:

"If anything, the problem with the film was that the human characters were too nice. One little weed in a shoe and they were ready to ditch their luxury mall in the sky and go back to hoeing black-eyed peas? Fuck that--there should have been a cabal fighting for the right to hover in the pretty purple nebula forever. Perhaps they should have named the nebula the Grimace Nebula, you know, in honor of the shakes.

Best thing about this movie was Sigourney Weaver as the ship's computer. Gee, Ellen Ripley, talk about turning into your M.O.T.H.E.R."

Rosie O'Donnell Post for the Summer

2008-07-10T12:39:00.004-04:00

yet another new addition to my blog:
stylistic improvisations on the blogging art of Rosie O'Donnell

Can't get enough
of that
rambunctious
youngun

Hamburgers
lattes
or
shakes - overmilked
kisses melting on ice
another day in paradise

this is how internet rumors are started

2008-07-09T09:52:00.009-04:00

todd caught me in an "indecent pose" during one of our video skype conversations the other day (if you want to chat with me on skype, my handle is niegelsmith).

believe it or not, we were discussing our grant proposal for Creative Capital.

if you work for Creative Capital... please give us some money. we like to make art stuff, and we're so passionate about it, we take our shirts off.

2008-07-08T23:17:00.004-04:00

some images don't need descriptions

p.s. I love when artists appropriate popular iconography and give it an urgent new perspective

impossible is nothing

2008-07-03T08:08:00.009-04:00

maybe if we both imagine hugging one another at the same moment... there will be a rip in the fabric of space and time... and we'll actually embrace for an instant.

ok...
let's try....

1, 2, 3...

Feast for the Eyes

2008-07-02T07:36:00.006-04:00

confusion break bone

2008-06-29T02:23:00.005-04:00

"Sufferhead must go. Jeffahead must come."
- Fela Kuti

In rehearsal, our associate choreographer is most often the spiritual center for the company, and, as associate director, I most often keep a passionate distance - questioning and considering the choices we make.

This afternoon, with the associate choreographer gone, I became acutely aware of how distanced I had become in my relationship to the creative team. I found myself in a unique position to be a generating artist, critical outside eye and engaged nurturing force.

I hope to make room for more of this spiritual vulnerability as rehearsals continue.

life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

2008-06-18T20:05:00.002-04:00

The goal is to live in a world where one doesn't have to compromise her spirit.

But, if one never compromises her spirit, is there ever any consideration for others? Is there every any struggle and subsequent reflection?

So, maybe the goal is to live in a world where we are constantly aware that we are pursuing our desires within a community, with an honest and acute respect for other's pursuits.

DONT CALL ME! Text me baby.

2008-03-31T10:27:00.004-04:00

The story has finally broken in a major US pub...

I really am surprised that it's taken this long for a major study to find evidence that prolonged exposure of your brain to lithium ion and little polarized chips might mutate your cells.

Anywho, text me baby - I'll keep my device at arms length.

Study: Cell Phones Could Be More Dangerous Than Cigarettes

Monday, March 31, 2008

A study by an award-winning cancer expert shows that cell phone use could kill more people than smoking, it is reported.

According to the U.K.'s Independent newspaper, the study, headed by Dr. Vini Khurana, shows that there is a growing body of evidence that using handsets for 10 years or more can double the risk of brain cancer.

Khurana — one of the world's top neurosurgeons — based his assessment on the fact that three billion people now use the phones worldwide. That is three times higher than people who smoke. Smoking kills some five million globally each year.

He warned that people should avoid using handsets whenever possible and called on the phone industry to make them safer. France and Germany have already warned against the use of mobile phones, especially by children, it is reported.

The study is said to be the most damning indictment of cell phone use. According to the Independent, cancers take at least 10 years to develop, which has influenced earlier cancer studies showing relative safety when using cell phones.

Click here to read the full report in the U.K.'s Independent Newspaper.

WHAT I DID FOR MY WINTER VACATION

2008-03-21T11:52:00.012-04:00

todd is my friend.
sometimes we go places, like el tigre,
and we swim there in the fresh water,
and we cover ourselves in mud.

todd introduces me to his friends like Martin Churba.
Martin Churba likes to make pretty clothes for people.
He is a "maestro de textiles." He put me in a fashion show.
i like todd's friends.

sometimes i like to be by myself.
i get to think about things and to observe nature in its natural surroundings,
like when i went for a canoe adventure.

some people might say that todd is a jew.
some people might say that i am a darkie.
i like to think of us as a couple of fruits.

the end.

FLORA

2008-03-10T16:27:00.004-04:00

sit proudly on my window sill today

Heart Breaker

2008-03-06T18:26:00.002-05:00

The Train

2008-03-05T12:55:00.009-05:00

i gave up my seat on the train - to an older woman. she thanked me.

i dismissed her greeting, nonchalant.

i melted - having missed an opportunity to accept and truly receive her thanks.

i noticed my body. my jacket. my shirt. my hair.

The train pulled into the station.

i lost my balance and almost fell.

RETURN of the JEDI

2008-03-04T12:08:00.011-05:00

APOLOGIES & EXCUSES

Almost two months have gone by... in a rehearsal room, in tech, in previews for a stunning new show Conversations In Tusculum and in a week-long workshop for the new musical FELA!.

I now return to my regularly scheduled blogging....

Hamlet: What a piece of work is a man, how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express and admirable, in action how like an angel, in apprehension how like a god!

the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals—

and yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me—

nor woman neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so.

Rosencrantz:
My lord, there was no such stuff in my thoughts.

Hamlet Act 2, scene 2, 303–312

The photo above is research for a new performance Todd and I have conceived, Weigh In. We plan to transform a defunct reading room in New York’s Humanities and Social Sciences Library into a boxing arena where visitors can join performers in a mixed-media battle between accurate and inaccurate information.

DANCE, DANCE, REVOLUTION

2008-01-14T10:21:00.000-05:00

this is a song from Todd Shalom's latest mix, Telenovela. enjoy.

TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF WHEN YOU DANCE - Frank Zappa

i went dancing this morning in therapy.

dropping it like it's hot with the brooklyn girls, hitting arrhythmic markings with the williamsburgers, jitterbugging back in north carolina, ugly-dancing with kim and kaje, booty shaking at the now defunct roxy...

everyone is invited to my party. no more judgments.

BREVITY

2008-01-13T01:48:00.000-05:00

Tonight, I'm starting a new addition to my blog: one-sentence responses to film, art, performance, etc. I'm thinking of it as a way to track initial thoughts, interactions or tangential associations. If you want to chime in, leave a one-sentence comment.

ATONEMENT

A compelling melodrama that delves into the passions and fears which manipulate our point-of-view.

JUNO

Missing the mark a few times can often lead to hitting the mark eventually.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD

A brilliant indictment of the corporate impulse and manifest destiny, embodied by individual motivation and fulfillment.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON

2008-01-11T15:26:00.004-05:00

GOLCONDA - Rene Magritte, 1953

Furniture made from scrap materials.

My double button collar.

My tall vanilla latte.

A downpour, followed by clear skies.

Post-Structuralism: A Very Short Introduction by: Catherine Belsey.

ACTION/REACTION

2008-01-07T23:23:00.001-05:00

Notes on a performance.

Prepare 415 personal secrets, desires or fears that I have shared with fewer than five people.
Call each of the 415 contacts in my cell phone.
With permission, record the conversation.
Using a statistics randomizer, reveal one of the personal secrets, desires or fears to the person on the other end of "the line." (Even though we aren't connected by telephone lines anymore.)
On my website, post a .pdf document of the 415 secrets, desires and fears, and post audio recordings of the conversations (erasing my voice from each conversation, leaving only the responses from the person called).

A GOOD FRIEND IS HARD TO FIND

2008-01-07T02:52:00.000-05:00

textiles & todd - 2007

REFLECTION

2008-01-07T00:13:00.000-05:00

Self Indulgent Post for the New Year

On 12/31/07 Todd and I performed in Buenos Aires.

We shared with one another names, events and places that filled us with hope and anxiety in the past year and that we hope to carry with us into the new year. We wrote many of these reflections down on sheets of paper and burned them together.

In this action, which I consider to be a public acknowledgment of fear and courage, I felt vulnerable and empowered. Like the reminders of Ash Wednesday and meatless Friday night dinners during Lent, this performance gives me a sense of purpose and clarity that I reflect on every day.

ARRIVING in ARGENTINA

2007-12-26T10:19:00.000-05:00

Argentina is beautiful. My driver he swerves between lanes, with no caution for the dotted white lines. He points out the futbol fields and the houses of worship with the glee of a school-boy.

It is 8 am and the sun is already dominating. The highway, the airport is flanked by a savannah dotted with a myriad of trees. South America. In minutes the trees are replaced with crude apartments. On the façade of these buildings I can see the handiwork of their creators, hundreds of men who have smeared plaster over concrete. La ciudad. I recognize from my guidebook, the Korean and Jewish neighborhood, my driver points out another church and we zip off the expressway, crossing two lanes at once onto the off ramp an into a city surprisingly awake and about for a Christmas morning.

Men grab their crotches and lean against bus stops to take the place of their spines. Women walk with ferocious vigor and purpose. I am at Todd’s.

“Gracias.”

“De Nada.”

My driver zooms off. I never caught his name.

I am now settled into Todd’s place – we each have a station to work at, at the table by the window, computers mirroring one another. I love the sharing and the autonomy of the moments.

We venture outside, Todd sharing with me his adopted home. Quickly, in the comfort of a massive foreign space -- surrounded by another language and protected by a canopy of trees that line every avenue -- we begin to return to our familiar proximity, living in and articulating our fears and dreams and the unique anxiety that surrounds us both. I am with Todd. I am at home.

QUOTEd

2007-12-24T08:28:00.000-05:00

utterings with which I agree...

“I’ve always said I want the library to be a crossroads in the city’s intellectual and cultural life,” Mr. LeClerc said.

Full story on the Humanities and Social Sciences Library's crumbling facade here.

1907

The library in progress. When it was dedicated in 1911 after 12 years of construction, the neo-Classical Carrère & Hastings building was the nation’s largest marble structure.
copyright 2007, New York Times

2006

Discarded objects at the library. Research for findings, a performance conceived by Todd Shalom & myself.

SATURDAYS ARE...

2007-12-22T12:30:00.000-05:00

You make it, I take it.

1. Nostalgic TV theme song meets poignant contemporary sensibilities...

2. Underage coed is taught to talk like a sailor in order to save famous dad's career...

*Most prized pilfered content of the year.

on INSTITUTIONAL HOLIDAY PARTIES

2007-12-18T09:39:00.000-05:00

unweildy public gatherings make me queezy

wrap me up
in old friends
or

a cup of hot tea

FAMILIA

2007-12-13T01:55:00.000-05:00

my baby brother is here.
We watch movies

and eat;

I enjoy taking him for granted.

mmmm...TASTY

2007-12-12T20:44:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite recipe for a Saturday morning breakfast.

BEST BUTTERMILK PANCAKES
(makes 9, six-inch pancakes)

The key to fluffy pancakes is not to over mix the batter; it should not be beaten smooth. If serving these pancakes with bacon, reserve half a teaspoon of bacon drippings to grease the griddle instead of butter.

2 cups all-purpose flour, unbleached
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sugar
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
3 cups buttermilk
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted, plus 1/2 teaspoon for griddle, plus 1 tablespoon for serving
1 cup seasonal berries
Maple Syrup to taste

Heat griddle to 375°. Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and sugar in a medium bowl.

Add eggs, buttermilk, 4 tablespoons butter, and one cup of your favorite seasonal berries (optional); whisk to combine. DO NOT OVER MIX. In general just mix long enough, a scant minute, to coat all the dry ingredients. Batter should have small to medium lumps.

Heat oven to 175°. Test griddle by sprinkling a few drops of water on it. If water bounces and spatters off griddle, it is hot enough. Using a pastry brush, brush remaining 1/2 teaspoon of butter or reserved bacon fat onto griddle. Wipe off excess.

Using a 4-ounce ladle, about 1/2 cup, pour pancake batter, in pools 2 inches away from one other.

When pancakes have bubbles on top and are slightly dry around edges, about 2 1/2 minutes, flip over. Cook until golden on bottom, about 1 minute.

Repeat with remaining batter, keeping finished pancakes on a heatproof plate in oven.

Serve warm. With real Maple syrup.

COLLABORATIONS

2007-12-10T23:41:00.001-05:00

FLEAS INTEREST ME SO MUCH
Pablo Neruda

Fleas interest me so much
that I let them bite me for hours.
They are perfect, ancient, Sanskrit,
machines that admit of no appeal.
They do not bite to eat,
they bite only to jump;
they are the dancers of the celestial sphere,
delicate acrobats
in the softest and most profound circus;
let them gallop on my skin,
divulge their emotions,
amuse themselves with my blood,
but someone should introduce them to me.
I want to know them closely,
I want to know what to rely on.

SLEEP
Kj Swanson

Trying to sleep; What
happened to those nice things I
used to think about?

SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND
Karen Dalton’s In My Own Time

Yesterday any way you made it was just fine,
So you turned your days into night-time,
Didn’t you know, you can’t make it without ever even trying?
And something’s on your mind, isn’t it

Let these times show you that you’re breaking up your mind
Leaving all your dreams too far behind,
Didn’t you see, you can’t make it without ever even trying?
And something’s on your mind.

Maybe another day you’ll want to feel another way, you can’t stop crying,
You haven’t got a thing to say, you feel you want to run away
There’s no use trying, anyway.
I’ve seen the writing on the wall,
Who cannot maintain will always fall,
Well, you know, you can’t make it without ever even trying.

And something’s on your mind, isn’t it
Tell the truth now, isn’t it
And something’s on your mind, isn’t it

TRANSPARENCY

2007-12-10T13:23:00.002-05:00

a little glimpse into my right now...
(click on the photo to make it larger)

THANK YOU ANDREW WYETH

2007-12-08T21:50:00.001-05:00

CHRISTINA'S WORLD

I am terribly afraid of intimacy and using language to explore my experiences.

I know that only two folks even know about this blog, but I am still filled with a terrible anxiety every day when I consider drafting a post.

Alas.

Focused reflection,
on a personal level,
is not a strength of mine.
In fact,
I often shrug opportunities
to discuss the events and moments
of my life.
Present readers,
Kj and Todd, excluded.

When I share with you, I feel stronger, more focused and loved. When I struggle to share with others or myself, I often feel inadequate, meandering, fool-hearted. This may be the greatest barrier or obstacle between me and creating new communities and truly investing in my current ones.

Maybe there is something unique in my relationship to Todd and Kj that I need to uncover in myself and the other folks around me.

MORNING WALK

2007-11-14T09:54:00.000-05:00

Manhattan this AM.

DOCUMENTATION

2007-11-06T09:01:00.000-05:00

I finally got it together enough to start documenting my theater work.

in this post: A few photos from my production of TOPDOG/UNDERDOG at Dartmouth College.

The title page of the play, written by Suzan-Lori Parks, reads:

The Players

Lincoln, the topdog
Booth (aka 3-card), the underdog

PUSHING FORWARD

2007-11-02T09:05:00.000-04:00

Write everyday.

Observe. A photo. A sketch. A clipping.
Write down where you've come from. Write down where you went, which will, in a few moments, be where you've come from.

Read. A passage. A script. A poem.
Write down what you've read. Write down what you are reading, because in a few moments, it will be what you've read.

On Directing: craft frees the artistic impulses.

Learn to shape moments. Have a gameplan based on 'succesful' forms/formulas.

Be eager to use and know the language of adaptation.

FRAME the action. This is your lens, your point-of-view. This says to the audience, "here we go. This is how we're going about this journey. Everything hencforth will be in reference to 'this'."

SUPER OBJECTIVE

2007-09-06T08:31:00.001-04:00

400 Scripts sit on the floor between me and my new desk. I guess no one really thought about the mass of undiscovered young playwrights panting for a chance to have their plays produced. I guess no one really thought about where these plays would live as they continue their life's journey from computer screen to printer to mail bin to The Public Theater to await being entered into the company log and then to finally sit in the lap of an esteemed reader of plays. Apparently those thoughts, or lack of thoughts, directed these wayward scripts toward my desk, and to save myself from sounding too self-involved, toward the desks of the entire literary staff as well. So, 4 desks rest idly across the room, separated by a mass of young creative energy, from 4 humble employees who just want to sip their coffee, sit in their chair and read these scripts.

The Public must be doing something right, and Time Warner has certainly invested in a worthwhile artistic pursuit. The Emerging Writer's Group - to be home for 12 playwrights who have never had a professional production in New York - will indeed 'emerge' from a pile of 400 scripts on the floor of our offices. Thrilling!

New beginnings. New obstacles. New triumphs. How's that for some drama?

Today, Sept. 5, 2007, was my first day as the, awkwardly titled, Artistic Leadership Associate (ALA) at The Public Theater in New York.